I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
