??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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