so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
