...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
