had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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