I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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