the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
