well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
