I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
