He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
