I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
