Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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