I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
