her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
