You really coming over, don't trick.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
