You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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