I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
