ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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