Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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