Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
