I'm pants shitting drunk right now
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
