He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
