I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
