is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
