i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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