I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
