look no pants
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
