I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
