man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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