the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
