well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
