Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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