singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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