Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
