So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Sorry about my life...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
