Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Mom said you looked used
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
