So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
this is an emotional support booty call
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize