what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
