he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
