Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
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