Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
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