dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Watching her eat just hurts me
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
