he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
