is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Less talking, more tequila
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
