Have you finally orgasmed yet?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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