i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
