sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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