I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
