I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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