I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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