i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
