Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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