singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
