i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
