her vagina looked like bernie madoff
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
