I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
