idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
