So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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