just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
