I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize