Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
