YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
