K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
