i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
