At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
