I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
