Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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