Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
