its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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