I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
