the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
