I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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