I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
