Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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