Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
