I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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